Pakeezah

PARALLEL LINES

ACT 01: Pakeezah

Maybe love is not everything that you need, maybe our fantasies are wrong and we need some fixing

 

"It could never hurt more than it actually did, every day of my life just being me. All alone until I met you, the reason for me to smile".

Ishaan flipped the lines as he was trying to find a good romantic hook for his new blog. Nothing made sense and he leaned back to rest his head on a mental block. There were Ink marks on his fingers like a kid trying to paint his perfect sun and valleys.

The notebook was covered with multiple alternative structures of Benzodiazepines, a few stickman figures fighting and a beautiful oak tree on the border of a single page. The triangle between Ishaan, science and fiction was quite visible from the pages. As nothing was coming up, he stood up to shake the frustration off but found the sun setting low. It was way past his work time and he closed the blinds of the lab to leave. A few seniors on his way waved him bye but Ishaan chose to mask himself with a smile.

Life, in general, is not fair and it was hitting Ishan hard in the face these days. He was feeling stuck between his work, passion and life. Ironically everything was different which was originally the problem. He wanted to do everything but it doesn't work that way. Life is not fair and it gets messy out there. Still, the heart wants what it wants.

As Ishaan was pacing through the sidewalks sweet old monsoon winds found a way to sail through his hair and instantly it took him back a few years. His face was covered with loose ends of Pakeezah's hair as she was driving fast in the free lanes of the highway. The fresh breeze caused time to run into loops, the earth to stand still and Ishaan's eyes to smile.

Nostalgia is surely a remedy for sore hearts.

Thousands of roads apart, Ishaan and Pakeezah are grown-up adults managing the trendy old-fashioned long-distance thing. It's hard because sometimes we need a hand to cling and a person to adore.

As the wind faded away so did the flashbacks and Ishan was surrounded by hundreds of people waiting to board their metro with the same look he had. Hundreds of unknown yet he knew everyone's story. He was not alone in loneliness anymore.

A sudden flash of screen and Ishaan saw that mum's calling. He wanted to seek shelter within amma's chunni but she was stressed too. He forgot his small battles and listened to Amma's distress.  Things were not well back home but amma asked whether he was ok or not

'im ok' said Ishaan and amma gave him a kiss like she did when he was leaving home. It's not love if not expressed in subtle ways they say.  Too many regulations and fantasies we have. Are we in wrong to believe so? Or it is a bare minimum to dream more.

He kicked a pebble and it struck an old guy standing beside him. Ishaan in embarrassment hung his head down and waited for the train. As the train arrived, so did the competition and hunt for seats.

Life in many ways is woven deep inside simple moments, moments reminding us about the spice of life. 

Ishaan found a corner seat and found the same old guy to be sitting in front of him. As he sat down a notification chimed and it was Pakeezah this time.

She texted him 'I love you and asked about the trip they planned a month ago. He stared at the screen till it became blank. His ideology of support and love was different, at one point he's looking for affection and on the other, he's overloaded with romanticism. He loved Pakeezah dearly but the way he thought everything would help him was turning out to be wrong. 

His conception of love was messed up and maybe it's him who's in the wrong.

Outside the window lay a city running fast non-stop. Building itself every second and there was Ishan, hoping it to be slow and soft. Reality is harsh and we know it, life is not what we know but who's to blame. love songs, lowly rom coms and books glorifying sadness? Does self-help actually help?

Ishaan chose to close his eyes and not reply. He wanted to love her but he couldn't, he wanted to be at home but couldn't, he wanted to be adventurous but he couldn't. Reality surprised him but fiction didn't. As his eyes were roaming outside, they met the reflection of the old man. He was In his late fifties, had a half silver head, carried a cloth bag and was wearing nicely ironed clothes. Ishaan wondered how he led his life and if he was happy or not. He wanted to ask questions about his wife, children and the lessons he might like to share. But instead of asking any, Ishaan chose not to directly look at him but at the reflection. Some of Ishaan's questions were answered and some might remain a mystery.

Maybe love is not everything that you need, maybe our fantasies are wrong and we need some fixing.

Ishaan wishes to see his love and life with full joy but maybe there are no parallel lines.

~ Niyate shauk marr na jaye kahin...

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This is one half of a two side anthology named parallel lines. Story revolves around Ishaan who is reasearching on anxiety therapeutics (benzodiazephines). His struggle with reality is blending with the fabric of 'now'. Amidst all of this he misses the old romance , comfort and he questions life.